It's Joke Time ;)

A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain so that they can see their own doctor.

I've just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. . . . . .It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it would be just like winning the lottery!

I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

A Muslim has died whilst training to be a Skydiver. The "BNP school of diving" said they had no idea why his snorkel and flippers did not open.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ But wait, there’s more:

Such an unfair world:- When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £2.50/min (charges may vary).

Just booked a table for Valentines Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though; she's crap at snooker.

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new taser!

If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's Spam.

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.

I’ve just watched a documentary about children being beaten and abused in Indian sweatshops. Looking at the quality of stitching on my new trainers the little buggers deserved it!

When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Life was tough in the gateau.

The local Co-op ran out of milk again due to the freezing weather. Fortunately, my elderly neighbour Doreen has plenty stacked up on her doorstep.

£2.50 a minute, has it gone up?

AJM sameday Couriers said:

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£2.50 a minute, has it gone up?

LOL

A blonde is overweight so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days," he tells her. "Then skip a day and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly four stone. "Why that's amazing," the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nods. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger you mean?" Asks the doctor. "No," replies the blonde, "from skipping."

Not a joke, but information you may require one day. DId you know that in 2004 Zimbabwe made it illegal to sell second-hand underpants.