Laugh for the day!

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Scott Reid

1029
Original Poster

A woman passenger leaned forward and tapped the taxi driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The taxi driver screams in fear, loses control almost crashes into a lorry, mounts the pavement and screeches to a halt punching and hitting the steering wheel.

For a few moments afterwards neither the driver nor the woman say anything.

Then the driver says, "listen lady, Don't do that again! You almost scared the life out of me!"

The woman apologises saying that she didn't think that tapping his shoulder would scare him that much.

The driver replies:

"It's just that it's my first day on the job!"

"What did you do before?" asks the woman.

"Well!" replies the driver, "For the last 25 years I've been a funeral chauffeur!"

Speed Couriers Nationwide Ltd

10314

A Jewish bloke goes into a confession box.

"Father O’Malley," he says, "my name is Emil Cohen.

I’m seventy eight years old.

Believe it or not, I’m currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister.

We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I’ve never felt better."

"My good man," says the priest, "I think you’ve come to the wrong place.

Why are you telling me?"

And the Jewish bloke replies

"I’m telling everybody!"

Parkway Express Couriers

324

Worried about Tesco beef burgers? Why not try the meat balls, they're the dogs bollocks!

3D Courier Services

25600

Had to go out on a job myself today. Decided to stop at a truck-stop for the proverbial B&E sarni. The guy in front of me ordered a portion of Lasagna. "Do you want anything on it"? asks the girl behind the counter, "aye lass" says the trucker "I'll have a fiver each way"

Nottingham & Derby Couriers

3179

Me and a few other horses are hiding from the lasagne chefs. They won't Findus in here.

Nottingham & Derby Couriers

3179

God i'm so starving, I could eat a horse, So Findus lasange it is then !!!

AJM sameday Couriers

3440

N & D stick to selling your pallets

moray couriers

780

Nowt wrong with horse meat but I do find it gives me the trots

Speed Couriers Nationwide Ltd

10314

*****BREAKING NEWS*****

Willie Carson found in Sausage Roll

moray couriers

780

With all the fuss being made about the Irish meat suppliers I guess that clears up the mystery of where Shergar went

DDR Sameday Courier

330

Now there's a scare at B&Q. They think the flooring may have some lamb in it...

Nottingham & Derby Couriers

3179

By request from AJM

So you can't say 'mad' anymore as it may offend some people, instead you have to say, 'mentally unstable."

I think that's just political correctness gone mentally unstable.

Nottingham & Derby Couriers

3179

Apparently Facebook may allow kids under 13 to join.

The Chinese government has lodged a complaint saying that none of their workers will get anything done now.

Gas Motorcycle Couriers

3617

The scandal that shook all Europe: some horse meat was found in frozen lasagna instead of beef. And now a new food scandal is about to be revealed: traces of pork have been found in fish for human consumption!

Piggin Fish

MyVanCan

1018

Not sea horse then?

Nottingham & Derby Couriers

3179

I think i had better move my jokes to this page

...

Anyway.

I took a girl back to my house late last night.

After going upstairs, I slowly removed my clothes and climbed under the quilt.

"You'll have to be really quiet," I whispered, "My mum & dad are asleep."

"I can see that," she said, "Haven't you got your own f**king bed?"

RAPID LIGHT TRANSPORT LTD.

2848

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time...

Nottingham & Derby Couriers

3179

Because I'm stressed, I've started sniffing glue.

It's the only thing holding me together.

RAPID LIGHT TRANSPORT LTD.

2848

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning , can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

Nottingham & Derby Couriers

3179

I have my own speaking clock.

All i have to do is bang my dustbin lid on the wall a few times and i hear.

"Do you mind it's 3 o clock in the F**king morning"

Scott Reid

1029
Original Poster

I had a new skylight window installed this week.

I think it's great, but the neighbours upstairs are bloody raging with me!

021 SAMEDAY

3691

Pay peanuts, Get monkey

MyVanCan.com said:


Not sea horse then?

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